When Adults Grieve
Everyone grieves differently.
Grief is a natural response to loss in our lives. Grief is a
private experience, one that takes place in the head and heart of
an individual. It's like fingerprints - everyone is unique in the
way they experience and express their grief, and each loss is
different, just like the different fingers of your hands. There is
no right or wrong way to grieve. Men and women often show their
grief in different ways, and sometimes find it hard to understand
or support each other. People of different ages and cultures have
different ways of grieving as well.
How does grief feel?
Grief is more than just sadness. You may find yourself feeling
any of these things:
- Shocked or numb
- Angry
- Relieved
- Depressed or lonely
- Resentful
- Guilty
- Confused or forgetful
- Overwhelmed
- Frightened or panicky
Most people feel grief in their bodies as well, especially in
the first weeks. You may feel exhausted, cold, tense and shaky. You
may find it difficult to sleep, or feel sick and have trouble
eating. These things are normal, but if you are worried, talk to
your doctor.
How long does it take?
Grief is more than a series of stages to go through. As time
goes by, you find ways to live with your loss, rather than getting
over it. If this has been a big loss for you, you might find it
hard for a long time, but it will not always feel as bad as it does
in the first weeks and months after the death. It's normal to feel
affected by your loss from time to time for the rest of your life:
when you are reminded by a song, or an anniversary, or when you
experience another loss in your life perhaps. Most people find
there are good days and bad days at first, but gradually the loss
gets easier to manage. Try to be patient with yourself and
others.
How can you help yourself?
The days after a death are an important time to begin the
process of coming to terms with what has happened. Rituals such as
a funeral and tangi are useful ways to share grief publicly with
others, to celebrate the life of the person who has died, and to
comfort one another. Your FDANZ funeral director can help you to
make the funeral a ceremony that is special to the person who has
died, and to you and your family.
Everyone has something that can do to help themselves deal with
the painful feelings of grief in those days, and in the weeks and
months that follow. Some suggestions are:
- talking
- crying
- sharing memories
- exercise
- music
- praying
- making things
- writing
- reading.
Different things help different people. The important thing is
to find what works for you, and make time to do it.
Further help
The funeral, and the days before it, are an important early step
in coming to terms with the death of someone close. Your funeral
director will help you, and is there to support you afterwards to
deal with your loss, or help you find support in your
community.
They may have a free bereavement support service, or can suggest
someone you can talk to, if you are finding things hard. They may
also suggest or lend you books or videos to help you cope
with grief.