The Funeral Service

Sometimes people feel a funeral service is going to be too hard emotionally, and want to opt for no funeral at all. It can be tempting to minimise the pain in the short term by avoiding a public setting when you are grieving. Unfortunately, people often regret this decision later, when the first shock of their grief has gone, and the opportunity has passed.

As difficult as it can be, a funeral service is an important part of the grieving process. It gives people the opportunity to:

acknowledge the life of a person who mattered to them very much and to acknowledge their passing from this world
share their feelings while being supported by family, friends and others in the community who have known the person who died
celebrate the life of the person who died; to share the memories, good times, funny moments, favourite music and unique contributions the person made, and to hear tributes and stories from others.

Where will the service be held?

The venues for a funeral service are wide and varied. Traditionally in New Zealand, funerals have been held in churches, funeral home chapels, crematoriums and marae. The limitations are really only that you choose somewhere which does not create a nuisance or public offence and that your choice is realistically a practical option.

What will happen at the service?

You can make a funeral meaningful and especially appropriate for the person who has died by considering the elements that make up a public ritual. Some of the elements to consider:

Movement - how the casket is brought into and leaves the venue.
Symbols - the symbols that bring meaning and a sense of what was important in the life of the person who has died.
Music - the music you would like. Often people choose music the person who died enjoyed or that was important to them.
Performance - special readings, poems, dance or a music recital. You might wish for some sort of audio-visual presentation during the service.
Tributes - consider how you would like people to share their memories.
Transport - would you like to transport the casket by hearse or is there another form of transport of significance to the deceased?
Social function - consider the sort of social function you would like following the service, be it a cup of tea or a party or something in between.
The order of events - You can change the order of things. A less formal service might have a cup of tea and a chat before the service, for example.

Some people choose a memorial service where the body of the person who has died is not present. This can happen if the body is not available for some reason or if the family has chosen to have a private burial or cremation, and a more public memorial service.

Don't be afraid to ask your funeral director about what you would like to happen: he or she would be happy to discuss any ideas you have, and will help you make them happen if possible. If some things are not possible exactly the way you like, your funeral director will work with you to find the best alternative.

Leading the service

Anyone can lead a funeral service. People usually choose someone who has experience in leading a service of this kind.

Many people choose their faith community leader or a funeral celebrant.

Increasingly in New Zealand, there has been a demand for non-religious services and now many funeral celebrants are involved in leading funeral services. Funeral homes often work closely with celebrants and can recommend one to you.
Visit www.celebranz.org.nz for more information.

Armed Services

Where an ex-serviceperson has died, the family can request an RSA member to attend the service. Generally the RSA member says a few words about the deceased and talks about their time in military service. Poppies are placed on the casket in memory of those who have served. A flag may be placed on the casket if the family wishes and the Last Post may be played.

In the case of a military funeral, the military can take a more prominent role. The funeral may take place at a military base and a gun carriage can be used to transport the deceased. A flag is placed on the casket and the pall-bearers carry the casket on their shoulders. As with all funeral services, this all depends on the wishes of the family and the degree to which they want the military involved.